Hearing of the terrorist act by a hate-filled gunman at Pulse in Orlando was a punch in the gut. The senseless loss and disregard of the value of life screams through the headlines. As a loss-mom, my first thoughts go to the parents of the men and women who were murdered yesterday morning.

You’ve woken up in the very worst of horrific nightmares.

I started praying over the many facets of your loss. No parent is ever ready to bury their child. No death is easy to bear.

When your child has lost their young life because of fear and hate, there truly are NO WORDS that are sufficient.

I am so sorry that the rest of the country (world) wants to politicize your loss while you are trying to re-learn how to breathe!

I want you to know that I see your tears, I hear the crack in your voice as you wonder if it safe to openly grieve. I know that these days, as you are planning your child’s funeral, are not the time for the world to thrust their expectations on your shoulders as one more thing to bear.

I’ve seen the lists of your children’s names and ages and I am shaken by the youth and promise of potential that was lost.

I am so sorry that you will not look into the eyes of your child again on this earth.

I cannot help but wonder how many of you had just recently come to a place of reconciliation and acceptance of your child’s lifestyle (and recovering from the grief of shedding cultural expectations) only to have the coming years of healing stolen from you, by hate and fear.

I would be remiss to ignore the fact that some of you may have had this devastating phone call or headline be the moment when you were allowed into the place of your child’s life that they had not yet summoned up the strength to share with you. Perhaps they were protecting themselves, or maybe they were protecting your heart or reputation.

I am sorry that our society told them that who they were was not enough.

I am so sorry that you did not have the chance to embrace, love, and accept your son or daughter exactly the way they were without condition.

I know that there is much that was ruthlessly ripped from you that can never be returned.

I weep with you as you mourn.

I cannot hide that I believe in the hope of salvation through Christ. I believe He died for our sins, to reconcile us to God.

I believe that the hope of salvation was extended to your child.

Christ extended forgiveness to the thief on the cross… the promise of Eternity in the last moments before death.

Who am I to assume what He can or cannot accomplish in anyone else’s final moments?

I am sorry that the church that cast out your child, shamed your parenting, and held boycotts over bathrooms, now wants you to fight along side them against the greater evil. You owe no allegiance, you are bearing a burden they can and will not fathom.

All I can say is that I am sorry.

Take your time to grieve. Allow it to be ugly. Allow it to be all shades of messy. Remember your child. Remember all the good. Try your best to forget the bad conversations, the slammed doors, the unanswered questions. Know that you were and ARE a good parent. Know that the love you have for your child does not need to be justified.

I acknowledge that I do not know what it is like to walk in your shoes.

I cannot begin to unwrap the many emotions you are struggling through. I fully understand that every loss is different and I do not dare to compare our losses. What we do share is the label of grieving mother, and with that hand and broken heart, I reach out through prayer and compassionate thoughts.

I know that the coming months and years may bring regrets to the forefront of your mind, I still battle these false beliefs. Cling to the hope, the good, the peeks of joy that come through the unexpected consolations.

Celebrate your child’s legacy, because what others mean for evil, God can and will redeem!

My prayers are with you, newly bereft mothers. I am so sorry that you are now part of this unspeakable sorority.

The post To the Parents of those Murdered in Orlando… appeared first on CreativLEI.

I don’t care that we don’t have a summer bucket list!

Full disclosure: In the past I’ve done it. We created a summer bucket list, I blogged all about it and we even did something pretty extravagant from that list. But this year I’m making a choice to NOT create a bucket list.

I’m definitely not hating on those that enjoy bucket list activities.

I hope you have a blast and I really do love watching the photos of your summer fun through Facebook and Instagram! However, for our family, it just isn’t the right choice.

I’m choosing to not have a bucket list, because I don’t like the results!

Let’s be honest, as moms, we’re often really disappointed when our children are ungrateful for the little things we do. From the mundane, like feeding and clothing them, all the way up to the times we go out of the way to create special moments and memories for them.

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Maybe I’m the only one?

If we don’t want to raise entitled children, why do we curate every. dang. minute. of life as something that’s hopefully Pinterest-perfect?

I quit that!

I’m just plain tired of dealing with ticked off, tantrum-ing children because of unmet expectations that I GAVE THEM! Yes, expectations that I created and couldn’t fulfill. I’m tired of being pestered to know, “Is today the day?!” Only to disappoint them with a, “No, that’s not today.”

My bucket list may start with all the best intentions. I mean really, who doesn’t want their children to look back on childhood with amazing memories of days gone by?!?! But what happens when life gets in the way? What if we can’t get to that hoped-for event because something more urgent, and probably a lot less fun, comes up? What if the fun-money I’ve budgeted for a play day or trip needs to be used to help someone else?

And there’s the rub…

I’m not creating a bucket list because I’m tired of unintentionally teaching my children that life is all. about. them.

Starting at an early age, my husband and I like remind our children that they should always be ready for a blessing. That little phrase helped them to see that at a moments notice, something they had no idea about could be waiting for them, but that the blessing could be forfeited by choosing selfishly, by deed or behavior.

And now that they’re getting older I want them to not always be ready for a blessing, but to try to be that blessing!

This summer I’m reminding myself and my children to always be a blessing first!

…and we don’t need a bucket list for that.

We’ve moved to a new town and I’m hoping that we’ll continue to meet neighbors and open our home to many guests.

I want them to explore our big backyard, run through the stream, roast marshmallows, and maybe camp-out.

I hope we’ll pick local fruit, attend discounted movies, and visit the beach.

I want to help them keep their eyes open for ways to serve instead of being served.

And when I catch them putting others first, I want to celebrate it.

Sometimes that will mean a trip to Sheetz for a milkshake. Maybe even a trip to a theme park. Other times it will just mean a board game or movie night at home. Or saying yes to an off-the-cuff sleepover.

The memories are made in the moments we’re together, not just the plans to be together.

No, we don’t have a bucket list, but yes, I know we’ll have fun this summer. Some might be planned (with that  information withheld from the children) and most will be off-the-cuff.

And if they get bored? That will be okay! That boredom can lead to creativity, given the right circumstances. Give them the clipboard to their own itinerary instead of being their constant hostess. It’s good to give them some ideas occasionally, but we’d be better off helping them to make some of their ideas a reality (when it’s reasonable) and boost their pride in something they’ve actually accomplished and watching their plans come to fruition!

Are you bucket-less this summer?

If want something to hang on your fridge, you can download and print the Be a Blessing watercolor print from this post. I hope your summer is blessed!

[wp_eStore_free_download_squeeze_form id=14]

The post A NO Bucket List Summer appeared first on CreativLEI.

I’m not talking about just changing our homeschool approach, or ‘quitting’ the school model.

There are valid reasons to quit homeschooling and seek out the right alternative for your family.

I’m talking about putting some of our children into public school after homeschooling.

Those of you following me on Facebook, Instagram, and Periscope, know that this year is a year of transition for our family. This year three of our children are entering/returning to public school, with only two (and the toddler) continuing with home instruction.

It wasn’t an overnight decision, and it wasn’t made lightly. We’re pressing forward into this new season through much reflection and prayer, and the wise counsel of those who love us. I want to share how we decided to approach this adventure with you, as a means to encourage you in doing what is right for your household. I recognize that there isn’t one perfect way to approach the schooling decision.

When we brought our children home for school we made a promise to stay alert and flexible.

We understood that we could not make a decision in one season that would be appropriate for every season and every child. Entering that first year at home we agreed we should evaluate each year and each child separately.

I’ve never hidden the fact that homeschooling has been a struggle for us from the very beginning. Each year brought new challenges, and none of them were coupled with simple fixes. Many of our months at home looked like survival mode. That was something I became very aware of over the last three years.

I’ve searched hard for new solutions, for creative changes to breathe life into our homeschool.

Somewhere along the way I got caught up in ‘doing the next thing’ and forgot to step back and reevaluate.

I remember waving a white flag on numerous occasions, asking for a lifeline. I knew what some of our biggest struggles were and I wanted someone to walk with me and discuss practical ways to overcome. But honestly, more often than not I found homeschool mom after homeschool mom fighting the same feelings and problems and no one had the answer. The over all discussion was to “just keep at it, in the end it will work out.” They were young and we had time.

I was encouraged to think less about the academics and focus on character, after all that was the greater goal.

That just didn’t sit right with me for a few reasons.

First: While academics may not be the primary goal, they could not be minimized. Many of my children have expressed desire for vocations that require higher education. If I don’t prepare them for collegiate work, how can they succeed? Was I really okay with a GED for my children (MD will not endorse homeschool diplomas)?

Second: If I’m being completely honest, when we were in the survival-mode trenches there was little if any GOOD character training taking place. What my children saw was a mom who could teach them about virtues, but could crumple into a puddle of tears from frustration and exaustion. I could lead them through chapters of the bible, but scream because they’d been working on the same math problem for 45 minutes. Or the writing… why were they all allergic to pencils? Why were there tears for every dang sentence I asked them to write?!?!?

So, you get the picture, we were NOT a picture perfect, Pinterest-y, one-room, kitchen-table homeschool family. We were kind of falling apart at the seams and living day to day in a very unglorifying manner.

It was time for REAL change.

Open the discussion with the children.

Last spring we sat with each child individually and asked them what they needed to succeed. We didn’t give them answers, we gave them an opportunity to speak their heart. It wasn’t just about them saying ‘home’ or ‘public school’, it was about finding out what they believed was lacking for their success.

Almost all of the children asked for more structure.

Ouch!

In truth, I’ve known this all along. I’m not making excuses. I’ve always known one of the biggest challenges to home educating would be my ability to make and keep a consistent schedule.

I’m an artist. I’m a mix of Type A and Type B, it’s a terrible combination! I like organization, but I sorely lack follow through. I love rabbit trails through interest led studies, but I don’t have the fortitude to bring us back to center.

Some of the children asked to enter public school and some desired to stay at home.

It was clear that BIG changes were coming! We had the whole summer to continue our decision making.

But what about Deuteronomy 6 and our command to teach our children?

Not all will agree, but I’ve prayed over that very passage (Deut. 6:7) many, many times over the past few years. I was seeking God’s direction on how He expected me to accomplish that call. I’ve felt Him nudging for me to look at that verse from outside of the limitations of my horizontal-focused belief. Could I meet this command if I choose not to homeschool my children?

Have you come to a point in your homeschooling that has you asking if it’s time to quit?

Of course, you already know what we chose, I’ll be discussing how we made those decisions in the next two posts. I hope to see you there.

I hope what I’m sharing gives you encouragement in finding the right path for your family. None of our households are identical and the answers are different for us all.

If you want to chat with me and ask some direct questions you can leave a comment here or come join us on the FB page. I’d love to continue the discussion.

The post When is it Time to Quit Homeschooling? appeared first on CreativLEI.

It’s time to bust some assumptions.

I started writing this post a number of years ago after a good friend and I started to unpack some of the assumptions that were continually made about my family, based solely on some of our outward decisions and appearances. In light of what is in the news about the Duggars as yet another conservative, Christian family that has been knocked from the media pedestal of perceived perfection because of admission of past sin, I need to take this time to finish this post and dispel what may be false assumptions about my family’s beliefs.

I am fully aware that writing this may cause me to lose readers, as you see my own words of who I am and who I am not. However, I am convicted that I must share what the Lord has placed on my heart, please bear with me.

I am a Christian.

I believe that I am a sinner, and that Christ’s death on the cross was necessary to redeem my life and offer eternal hope. I do not believe that Christ was a good moral teacher, I believe that He is God (the Son, in the triune God). I believe His life, death, and resurrection are literal and it’s testimony recorded by multiple witnesses, in the bible.

I am not sinless.

I became a Christian upon the realization that I could never live a perfect life, but that Christ could and did… all for me (and for you). Even since professing my faith in Him, I still struggle with sin. My sin may look completely different than my neighbor, but it is still sin. All of our sins are forgiven, but forgiveness NEVER excuses us from sin’s earthly consequences. By God’s grace, we go on. I believe that the sins I’ve uniquely struggled with became the basis of my ministry to others. I believe that God gave me my testimony of redemption to help show others His sufficiency over my weaknesses.

I do not hide behind a sinless facade. I never claim to have it all worked out, instead I readily admit that I am a perpetual work in God’s gracious hands. My family is far from perfect, and I try my best to share those struggles honestly with you.

I do not believe that as Christ-followers we need to follow Mosaic Law.

There is a culture of Christians who assert that believers in Christ as Messiah must not only accept Christ as the sin sacrifice, but also fulfill all of the Old Testament law. This would cover diet and dress, among MANY other things. I do not agree. I believe that the Law was given to prove to man that we could not achieve God’s perfection. I believe that Christ’s sacrificial death fulfilled the Law and that while our love for God urges us on towards His glory and will, we are not under the penalty of Mosaic Law, Christ redeemed us from it.

That and, well… BACON. Thank you, Lord, for liberty!

I often wear skirts.

My girls and I dress femininely. Often that means we’re wearing skirts or dresses, and for us that means they fall at or below the knee because we do our best to dress modestly. (I’ll unpack my view of modesty in a bit, hang with me.) I find wearing skirts to be flattering for my figure and I do not believe that I am supposed to hide all of my feminine features behind shapeless garments. I’ll admit, in my far-from-fit days, a skirt was much easier to ‘pretty up’ in than a pair of slacks with a tight waistband, so sometimes a skirt is really about comfort and ease.

I sometimes wear pants, even jeans!

It is not my conviction that all pants equate to dressing in a masculine manner. There are pants and slacks that are specifically cut and tailored for the female body, and I appreciate that difference. I do not believe that pants are always an immodest choice for a female. I do not think there was an era that ‘had it right’ that we should emulate. At some point in history, that too was considered trendy or provocative.

I don’t believe we have a black and white prescription for proper dress. The bible gives us a framework for basic standards, but we cannot apply those void of our culture, or consideration of the culture at the time of that recording.

There are plenty of activities where, for me, wearing pants is far more modest than trying to maneuver in a skirt without flashing something I don’t want to share with the world.

I strive for modesty.

To me, modesty is a heart choice, not just a clothing choice. It is a decision to draw attention away from ‘what’ we are and draw it to the ‘why’ and ‘who’ we are. For our family, striving for modesty should draw you to our alignment to Christ, not communicate our judgement of your appearance.

Modesty isn’t defined by the length of our skirts, the size of our family, or how we wear our hair. I do not wish to teach my children (especially my girls) that modesty is required of them because of men’s shortcomings. Modesty is for their hearts to be turned towards God, not an effort to fill the gap where someone else’s self-control is lacking.

We have a larger-than-most family.

I have given birth to seven beautiful children. I consider every single one of them a unique blessing. I am also the oldest of seven children and we have many friends with large families. Children are a blessing.

We are not of the ‘Quiverfull’ mindset.

Fertility is a biological function. I refuse to ascribe to the belief that the mere ability to become pregnant denotes God’s favor, or that the inability to conceive life automatically denotes His curse. I do not believe that all family planning is sin. I believe that He offers us guidance and wisdom when we discern truth through reading scripture and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

How many children we have is not the measure of our faithfulness or spiritual maturity.

Full disclosure: I was pregnant with our first child before we were married. I do not believe that conception was God granting me favor. I was not living within His will, nor was I actively seeking His face (yes, I was already a believer). However, I thank Him eternally for blessing our family in spite of our sinful choices. He has grown us in ways that most cannot comprehend. I am so grateful for His unending mercy and redemption.

We homeschool our children.

In 2009 we brought our children home for schooling. It was a decision made for the benefit of our children in that season. When we made the choice to bring them home, we agreed that we would not make long-term decisions without reevaluating for each child, each season. We did not bring them home because we believe it is the only correct way to disciple and educate our children. We do not believe homeschooling is right for every child in every family.

Next fall, one of our children will return to public school.

Because we agreed that our choice to homeschool was not a ‘one and done’ decision and that it is not a one-size fits all lifestyle, we have come to clarity and peace that it is a season for our oldest son to resume academics outside of our home. Our decision is for our family and does not speak for other families’ choices. We are moving towards the direction we feel God leading us. This isn’t failure or surrender, it is yielding to where God is leading us for our son.

You may have noticed that the ‘Homeschooling’ section of my blog recently became ‘Heart-schooling.’ In the past few years and especially in the recent months, God is drawing me to greater importance of growing my children’s hearts and character, primary to academics.

I also realize that not all of you are lead towards the homeschooling lifestyle, but I DO think that parents are always the primary teachers of their children, having an even greater overall impact than any hired educator. Whether or not you ever endeavor to bring them home for their academic training, I want you to know about resources that are good for building strong families. I am passionate about empowering growing families!

We teach our children to preserve intimacy for marriage.

We do not want our children to buy the lie that their bodies are solely physical and that they are mere slaves to their urges. We want to empower them with information about how intricately they were made and how their whole body works for pleasure in intimacy. We will not teach them that sex is shameful. We will frame it as reserved for its fullness in the security of marriage. We will not shy away from talking candidly about our sexuality.

We do not expect our children to save their first kiss for their wedding.

We do not want our children to enter into their marriages with arms full of baggage and regret, but cannot assign shame to their failing of perfection. I do not see a kiss as sin. The repression of all sexual expression cannot end well. We hope that with the wisdom and truth we impart to our children, they will make wise choices for how they choose to share and display intimacy with their intended spouses. Whether they hug, hold hands, kiss, or more is their decision to make, and as their parents we intend to communicate honestly and with transparency about the possible rewards and consequences of those choices.

It is our responsibility as parents to equip them to be successful in life, and believe that includes their sex life. Ignorance in that aspect may seem desirable while they are very young, but in my opinion, is harmful as they grow.

We watch TV and listen to the radio.

We censor our family’s entertainment, but not in the way you probably think. Christian movies are not allowed by default. We’ve found that sometimes sifting through their muddy theology is harder to explain to our younger children than it is to discuss a secular movie through a scriptural lens.  It is much easier to compare black against white than it is to categorize countless shades of gray.

In the past couple of years, as my children are reaching adolescence, I have been intentionally tuning to some secular radio stations on our drives so that I have opportunity to discuss lyrics and messages with them as they build their discerning abilities. We do not aim to raise them in a bubble and then release them at 18 years old into an unfamiliar world. We want to walk by their side as they find their footing of faith in an often dark world, so that they enter the world as prepared adults who defend their faith choices, not cower under the choices Vince and I have made.

I would have baked a cake for a ‘gay wedding’.

I’m not a bakery owner, nor have I baked for-hire. My most recent business was selling handspun and hand-dyed yarn. I didn’t ask my customers what they would use the yarn for. I do not know what each skein of yarn or knitted garment was used for. It’s likely that some was used in ways I would not choose to use it, ways that do not line up with my faith convictions. It was not my place to decide for others how they would use the yarn. I provided a service of dyeing, spinning, and knitting. It ended there. Why do we make the assertion that providing a service equates celebrating someone else’s occasion? Why do we hold the world accountable to our religious convictions?

I think we fight this from the wrong angle.

As a business owner, I do not want the government telling me how I must run every aspect of my business, but I recognize there are some expectations of being part of a consumer society. That compromise needs to be considered before entering into business.

I do believe that homosexual acts are sin.

I do consider physical acts of homosexuality to be sin, but I consider them the same as any other sexual sin. I do not think that homosexual sin is on a value scale different than other sin. Sin is sin, and we ALL have it. Christ’s sacrificial death being the ONLY sufficient payment for them all. I do not understand how some can single this one aspect of our sinful natures and view it so differently than the other sins so publicly on display in our pews. I see so many comments made by those within the church, regarding homosexual sin, that are so lacking in compassion and understanding that I wonder how Christ’s grace and mercy will ever be seen and understood by those that need His love and salvation.

Here are some of the things I ponder and pray about while I watch the debates: Will a baker refuse to bake a cake for a morbidly obese person (for any occasion)? After all, gluttony is a sin and is likely causing this person health concerns. What about a real-estate agent, can they refuse to sell a house to a Muslim family because it is in a historically Christian neighborhood? Where does appropriate discernment cross into dangerous discrimination? How can I show Jesus to the ‘least of these’ in all I do?

I don’t know these answers, but they lead me to prayer for how God seeks me to honor Him in how I treat His people.

I hope to live a life that draws people to the grace and mercy I so thankfully cling to.

I don’t have God and Christianity figured out. Isn’t that the amazing thing about God? He’s much greater than what we can perceive or fully understand. If He were anything less, He wouldn’t be God! I learn more about His nature each time I read His Word. I pray I never fall into the belief that I’ve figured it all out here on earth… that’s why I have the hope for Heaven.

Am I who you thought I was?

I find myself both sad and annoyed because I feel like I am, more and more often, needing to distance myself from mainstream Christian circles. The more I read the bible and turn my heart towards God, the more I see His people behaving in ways that contradict what I read about Him, His nature, and the example His Son lived.

I pray for eyes to see, feet that go, and hands that help heal.

Truly, this is barely scratching the surface for any of these things. But I’ve already written far more than is ever smart for the readability of one blog post. Is this a discussion you’d like to see continued? I see benefit in it, but I don’t want to be ‘talking’ to myself. I desire healthy, iron sharpening iron, discussions. I do NOT want heated, hate-filled debates.

I want to see Christ glorified, not grieved, by my witness.

Do you wrestle with any of these topics?

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