What happened?

I guess you could say it was a whole lot of nothing and a ton of everything, all at once.

Firstly, we moved to a more rural community (read: the internet speed here is the pits!). Without a good reliable high-speed internet connection, editing and posting videos became a task I couldn’t sustain. I absolutely love teaching by demonstration but slow uploads just took all of the fun out of that aspect of CreativLEI. Fast-forward, right now four of our children are home for virtual instruction while we wait for the schools to fully reopen when safe.

Speaking of said children…

My kids started growing up!

When I first began blogging in 2006 (good grief that was the prehistoric age of mommy-blogs), I only had three children. They were young, I was knee-deep in the physically exhausting aspect of parenting, and sharing our stories was an amazing creative outlet for me and an excellent way to keep our family and friends clued-in to our daily life. We had a handful of more children and life got busier but we continued to share our stories openly.

But when more than a few of my children started getting old enough to create and manage their own digital footprint (and their lives started being more complicated than curriculum choices, extracurricular activities, and favorite hobbies), it became more important to me to preserve their right to be the primary sharer of their own stories.

If you’ve ever tried to talk about parenting without oversharing your kids’ potential blackmail fodder, you’ll understand why I could no longer “just” write about life.

Why don’t I just share art tutorials?

That would be the easiest solution, wouldn’t it? Well… If I’m being honest that would end up being pretty unsatisfying to me because I truly do enjoy writing. I’m a story-teller. I’ve kept diaries and journals for as long as I could remember. The challenge I have is to figure out how to write about life without sharing the aspects that should be preserved for the kids to tell.

Building my digital platform became unimportant.

For years I attended blogging conferences and webinars about how to grow.

Grow my following, my income, my reach.

However, each “right” step I took felt less and less like “ME” and became just plain exhausting.

Plus, with our move to a new community, some of my children started entering the local school system, I started spending more time helping at the local dance studio, our family’s schedule started getting fuller and more spread out. There just wasn’t as much time to sit at the laptop to write, edit, and post.

We became busy with life.

The funny thing about an evolving life is that you end up with a ton more to write about and infinitely LESS time to write it!

Face-to-face connections are irreplaceable.

I cannot tell you how much I value the ability of the internet to make the world a little smaller and connect people who might not ever meet “in real life.” But, there are some things that truly are best shared between intimate friends. Friends you see on good days and bad. Friends that pass the tissues when you’re crying. The friends that show up when you can’t leave the house. The ones who know the worst parts of your story and are your biggest cheerleaders anyway.

For me, this meant relearning how to invest in my “real-life” relationships during face-to-face encounters. A VERY tall order for an introvert who much prefers the self-controlled conversation that a blog provides. It’s ugly, but it’s true.

It is time to find a balance between the two worlds.

One of the (many) perks of two-thirds of my half-a-dozen kids now being teens (and one graduated from high school) means that they are more independent and require less of the physically-there momma.

This new-found flexibility has allowed me to explore more opportunities to grow my art throughout my community, to teach at the dance studio, and to build new and deep friendships. My next step is to get reacquainted with my keyboard. I have so much I still want to share with you!

More of our story (as much as my family is comfortable sharing), more of my art, and more of the tutorials that help YOU create art!

How did you first find CreativLEI?

I want to know more about you! Are you here to learn lettering (or other crafty things)? A young mom looking for a light to guide you through the exhausting tunnel of lots of little kids? An older mom looking for camaraderie among the like-minded?

Tell me a little about you in the comments!

The post When it takes three/four-ish years to overcome writer’s block… appeared first on CreativLEI.

I hesitated for a while.

I’m just not comfortable with public speaking.

Those of you that know me are laughing because you know exactly how outspoken I am. However, with a microphone in front of me, I can guarantee my face is flushed and my heart is racing.

After prayer, I accepted.

How could I pass up the chance to honor Miranda’s legacy by speaking of how great the impact her short life and too soon death have had on me?

I shared on Instagram early that day, to ask that you all would share a prayer or think of me during the time I would be speaking. Some of you asked if I would share my speech with you.

Thankfully, I was given a copy of the video of the Tribute Service, and it is my honor to share it with you.

*At the :30 mark a card will invite you to view the slideshow. Clicking on that will open it in another window (leaving me speaking in the other window) so you can watch the photos while you listen. 

Thank you for walking with me through the ups and downs that grief brings.

If you have experienced loss, I do hope some of these words brought comfort to you.

The post Speaking: From the Heart of a Grieving Mom appeared first on CreativLEI.

Hearing of the terrorist act by a hate-filled gunman at Pulse in Orlando was a punch in the gut. The senseless loss and disregard of the value of life screams through the headlines. As a loss-mom, my first thoughts go to the parents of the men and women who were murdered yesterday morning.

You’ve woken up in the very worst of horrific nightmares.

I started praying over the many facets of your loss. No parent is ever ready to bury their child. No death is easy to bear.

When your child has lost their young life because of fear and hate, there truly are NO WORDS that are sufficient.

I am so sorry that the rest of the country (world) wants to politicize your loss while you are trying to re-learn how to breathe!

I want you to know that I see your tears, I hear the crack in your voice as you wonder if it safe to openly grieve. I know that these days, as you are planning your child’s funeral, are not the time for the world to thrust their expectations on your shoulders as one more thing to bear.

I’ve seen the lists of your children’s names and ages and I am shaken by the youth and promise of potential that was lost.

I am so sorry that you will not look into the eyes of your child again on this earth.

I cannot help but wonder how many of you had just recently come to a place of reconciliation and acceptance of your child’s lifestyle (and recovering from the grief of shedding cultural expectations) only to have the coming years of healing stolen from you, by hate and fear.

I would be remiss to ignore the fact that some of you may have had this devastating phone call or headline be the moment when you were allowed into the place of your child’s life that they had not yet summoned up the strength to share with you. Perhaps they were protecting themselves, or maybe they were protecting your heart or reputation.

I am sorry that our society told them that who they were was not enough.

I am so sorry that you did not have the chance to embrace, love, and accept your son or daughter exactly the way they were without condition.

I know that there is much that was ruthlessly ripped from you that can never be returned.

I weep with you as you mourn.

I cannot hide that I believe in the hope of salvation through Christ. I believe He died for our sins, to reconcile us to God.

I believe that the hope of salvation was extended to your child.

Christ extended forgiveness to the thief on the cross… the promise of Eternity in the last moments before death.

Who am I to assume what He can or cannot accomplish in anyone else’s final moments?

I am sorry that the church that cast out your child, shamed your parenting, and held boycotts over bathrooms, now wants you to fight along side them against the greater evil. You owe no allegiance, you are bearing a burden they can and will not fathom.

All I can say is that I am sorry.

Take your time to grieve. Allow it to be ugly. Allow it to be all shades of messy. Remember your child. Remember all the good. Try your best to forget the bad conversations, the slammed doors, the unanswered questions. Know that you were and ARE a good parent. Know that the love you have for your child does not need to be justified.

I acknowledge that I do not know what it is like to walk in your shoes.

I cannot begin to unwrap the many emotions you are struggling through. I fully understand that every loss is different and I do not dare to compare our losses. What we do share is the label of grieving mother, and with that hand and broken heart, I reach out through prayer and compassionate thoughts.

I know that the coming months and years may bring regrets to the forefront of your mind, I still battle these false beliefs. Cling to the hope, the good, the peeks of joy that come through the unexpected consolations.

Celebrate your child’s legacy, because what others mean for evil, God can and will redeem!

My prayers are with you, newly bereft mothers. I am so sorry that you are now part of this unspeakable sorority.

The post To the Parents of those Murdered in Orlando… appeared first on CreativLEI.

I don’t care that we don’t have a summer bucket list!

Full disclosure: In the past I’ve done it. We created a summer bucket list, I blogged all about it and we even did something pretty extravagant from that list. But this year I’m making a choice to NOT create a bucket list.

I’m definitely not hating on those that enjoy bucket list activities.

I hope you have a blast and I really do love watching the photos of your summer fun through Facebook and Instagram! However, for our family, it just isn’t the right choice.

I’m choosing to not have a bucket list, because I don’t like the results!

Let’s be honest, as moms, we’re often really disappointed when our children are ungrateful for the little things we do. From the mundane, like feeding and clothing them, all the way up to the times we go out of the way to create special moments and memories for them.

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Maybe I’m the only one?

If we don’t want to raise entitled children, why do we curate every. dang. minute. of life as something that’s hopefully Pinterest-perfect?

I quit that!

I’m just plain tired of dealing with ticked off, tantrum-ing children because of unmet expectations that I GAVE THEM! Yes, expectations that I created and couldn’t fulfill. I’m tired of being pestered to know, “Is today the day?!” Only to disappoint them with a, “No, that’s not today.”

My bucket list may start with all the best intentions. I mean really, who doesn’t want their children to look back on childhood with amazing memories of days gone by?!?! But what happens when life gets in the way? What if we can’t get to that hoped-for event because something more urgent, and probably a lot less fun, comes up? What if the fun-money I’ve budgeted for a play day or trip needs to be used to help someone else?

And there’s the rub…

I’m not creating a bucket list because I’m tired of unintentionally teaching my children that life is all. about. them.

Starting at an early age, my husband and I like remind our children that they should always be ready for a blessing. That little phrase helped them to see that at a moments notice, something they had no idea about could be waiting for them, but that the blessing could be forfeited by choosing selfishly, by deed or behavior.

And now that they’re getting older I want them to not always be ready for a blessing, but to try to be that blessing!

This summer I’m reminding myself and my children to always be a blessing first!

…and we don’t need a bucket list for that.

We’ve moved to a new town and I’m hoping that we’ll continue to meet neighbors and open our home to many guests.

I want them to explore our big backyard, run through the stream, roast marshmallows, and maybe camp-out.

I hope we’ll pick local fruit, attend discounted movies, and visit the beach.

I want to help them keep their eyes open for ways to serve instead of being served.

And when I catch them putting others first, I want to celebrate it.

Sometimes that will mean a trip to Sheetz for a milkshake. Maybe even a trip to a theme park. Other times it will just mean a board game or movie night at home. Or saying yes to an off-the-cuff sleepover.

The memories are made in the moments we’re together, not just the plans to be together.

No, we don’t have a bucket list, but yes, I know we’ll have fun this summer. Some might be planned (with that  information withheld from the children) and most will be off-the-cuff.

And if they get bored? That will be okay! That boredom can lead to creativity, given the right circumstances. Give them the clipboard to their own itinerary instead of being their constant hostess. It’s good to give them some ideas occasionally, but we’d be better off helping them to make some of their ideas a reality (when it’s reasonable) and boost their pride in something they’ve actually accomplished and watching their plans come to fruition!

Are you bucket-less this summer?

If want something to hang on your fridge, you can download and print the Be a Blessing watercolor print from this post. I hope your summer is blessed!

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