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Creating a Life You Love· Life After Loss

7 May

Yesterday (the first Sunday of May) was International Bereaved Mothers Day.

[pinit]A day created to recognize women who don’t have the chance to ‘mother’ their sweet children this side of eternity due to loss, those who the thought and mention of “Mothers Day” brings pain and sometimes awkwardness.

I’m feeling a little conflicted.

I am a mother.

I don’t want it qualified by whether my children are living or dead.

I’m just that, a mother.

Next Sunday I will celebrate with my living children and I will miss my Miranda.

In other words, it will be a day like any other.

I truly appreciate that there are groups that are seeking to help heal the wounds of pregnancy, infant, and child loss. I can’t imagine having to just ignore the loss of my daughter. And I thank those of you who thought of or prayed for me yesterday (and everyday).

I just don’t want to isolate myself from life.

Because I am still living.

Guest vs Resident…

Creating a Life You Love· Titus 2 in Real Life

7 May

My mom came to visit this past weekend for our annual trek to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. (It was lovely as always and I’ll recap in a later post.)

Getting ready for her visit hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

As I hurried around the house putting things where they belong and cleaning up the little piles of crumbs, dog hair, and dirt from the floor and scrubbed down the main bathroom it hit me.

I had busied myself preparing for a visit…

but I often neglect a resident.

I’m not talking about my husband and children.

I’m talking about my Heavenly Father.

I readied my house because I love my mom and when she visits my home I want her to be comfortable and enjoy our visit, but I can be honest and admit sometimes those little chores are neglected and turn into quite a task. Getting them done is not my default, though I wish it were and I am working on it.

And so I thought of my relationship with my Savior.

I had invited Him into my life 18 years ago…

Not to visit, but to reside in my life.

But I often treat Him like a visitor. Cleaning and tidying up before we can sit and visit.

He’s not interested in my fussiness. He wants me and my heart.

I need to stop viewing Him as a visitor and start seeing Him as the resident I have asked Him to be. I need to keep my home, not in a reaction to an upcoming visit but as a result of an active, thriving relationship. My children need to see me living in His word, not scampering to get it done, not checking a box.

How do you ensure you view Him as a resident in your home and not a visitor? Do you only visit with Him in His house, on His day? What keeps you from inviting Him into your home? From a daily relationship?

This post is part of the Welcome Home link-up at Raising Arrows

and miscellany Monday at lowercase letters

Sometimes you can't go back…

Creating a Life You Love· Life After Loss

1 May

In April my milestone dates were quite different than they have been in the previous month. This weekend the Children’s Medical Surgical Center at Johns Hopkins moved to their new building, the Bloomberg Children’s Center. The place where Miranda lived her 28 days of life is now gone. In just about every way I can never go back. I have to move forward.

Last week after our family group the chaplain honored my request for one last walk through the PICU, most of these pictures are from that walk. I was able to go all the way to the end of the hall to the suite where Miranda had been (thankfully the bay she had was not filled with an ECMO bed this time), I also saw the room that I held her body in.

And I left the PICU and will never return.

This was the sign that greeted you as you entered the JHH PICU.

And for this milestone weekend I was away from my family. I attended the 2:1 Conference from the 27th-29th. There were many tears on the drive down to Virginia and a few that first night as well. Thankfully I wasn’t with people who stared at me awkwardly wondering when I’d gain control. I was with sisters in Christ who understood grief.

When Vince and I arrived from UMMC we went up to the 7th floor of the JHH to the PICU and waited to be told what was happening with our little one.

One of my roommates knows what it is like to live life after losing both of her parents tragically without warning.

The sweet friend I shared a dinner table with on Friday lost her sweet 5th child when she was 7 months old.

The dear friend that sat next to me in Amy’s break-out session on Saturday lost her home last year to a fire, and she had brought her precious little one with her.

This is Stephanie's little guy. The first time I saw him I *knew* he was right around the age Miranda would be. Sure enough he was born just 2 weeks after her. He blessed my heart.

God knew what I needed this weekend. This was not plan B. There were tears. But they were good.

I’m okay with not being able to go back. We have chosen to go forward since the day Miranda was born. Losing her did not change our direction, it just jostled the path.

This room. It was the first room on the unit we were brought to. It was the room I used to pump for 28 days. It was the last room we sat in after Miranda died. It was the room where we signed all the papers.

He has more planned for us. We don’t know exactly what that is, we just keep walking through the doors He opens:

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”-Phillipians 1:6
This post is part of the monthly link-up at Still Standing Online Magazine

Ten reasons you need to attend Titus 2:1…

Creating a Life You Love· Titus 2 in Real Life

30 Apr

I was blessed to be among the attendees of the Titus 2:1 Conference in Sterling, VA that was April 27-29th. I plan on writing more about the specific break-out sessions I attended but until then I just need to share my excitement with you for why you want to start planning NOW to attend next year!

This post is part of the Top Ten {Tuesday} link up at Many Little Blessings.

10. You get to stay at a hotel that will make your bed, clean your towels, cook your meals, brew your coffee, and change the empty toilet paper roll (a word of caution… there may be a few things they won’t do as Jamie, Lena, Jules and I found out. However, that will only give you more to laugh about so you won’t really mind).

9. You’ll come home with treats to share with your whole family which will be a bit of a consolation prize for the kidlets missing you over the weekend.

8. You’ll have the opportunity to form relationships with companies and organizations that are on the front line to encourage you and fight for what you do. Before this weekend I thought Apologia was all about science curriculum. (yes, I really did) Now I know they are so much more and I look forward to using their tools within our family and homeschool. You’ll realize that HSLDA is more than just legal help for homeschoolers.

7. You might have the opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and share with others a product or company that you love and form a partnership that goes far beyond a seat at the table but joining up with others doing His work for eternity.

6. You’ll meet women for the first time on the same side of a screen and feel like you’ve known them for years and cherish the sisterhood of believers you’re surrounded by (and they all share a love for writing and blogging, double bonus).

5. As much as you will hate that the weekend is ending you will be excited to return home because you miss your husband and your children and you have spent the weekend with women who have encouraged you to do that instead of wallowing in all that is “wrong” with any of it and filling your head with thoughts that “you” are more important anything else.

4. You will realize you are not alone. There are other moms that have days, weeks, months, and years like you have and they will celebrate with you that is is all for His glory and that He will help you not only survive but THRIVE.

3. You will be strengthened for your journey as a Daughter of the Most High, as a wife, as a mother, as a homeschooler, and as a blogger (in that order).

2. You’ll stand in a room full of believers and worship The Creator in song and end the weekend on your knees as He prepares you to return home.

1. God is already preparing speakers for next year. They might not even know who they are but I can assure you this, He will place His words in their hearts and they will be obedient to share them with you and you don’t want to miss a single word because you will hear exactly what your heart needs to know that He loves you and that you are His!!

So who’s in? Will you plan to go along with me next spring?

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