There are many people that hate what the Skeptical OB has to say. Goodness, even I don’t agree with everything she says or even with *how* she says most of what she does. But unfortunately the position that I find myself in is exactly the one that she wants women to be able to avoid.
Yesterday she posted an article about homebirth regret by using quotes from comments other loss moms made under a post at Still Standing magazine. One of the comments quoted was mine. While there were some who felt hurt by her use of loss-moms words in this way, I was not hurt. I am glad to have the opportunity for my words to have further reach. I want many to know and understand this side of the homebirth reality.
Dr. Amy’s goal is to shatter the facade that stands in front of the natural childbirth and homebirth community by sharing facts and truths that are at their core, UGLY.
My daughter is beautiful, but it does not make it any easier to see this image
Yes there is a flavor of bias. But just because I don’t agree with all she says it doesn’t mean I can just dismiss the whole lot. In all honesty her level of passion and zeal against homebirth is just the equal level of passion and zeal exuded from many natural childbirth and homebirth advocates, they’re just the polar opposites.
I am somewhere in between.
When it comes to the “table” of the homebirth debate I’ve had the opportunity to sit at many of its seats.
My first child was a “typical” hospital birth, I was a first time mom with few facts and lots of questions, most of which I didn’t begin to wrap my head around until my second pregnancy. With our second child we purposed to be active participants in his birth, studied the Bradley method and spoke with the nurses and doctors at the hospital to relay our hopes. He was born naturally with very minimal interventions, there was a nurse by my side that advocated strongly for us.
When pregnant with our third child I had hoped to use a birth center. There was no option of a birth center within a reasonable distance from my home. I received a recommendation for a CNM who formerly practiced at the nearby birth center that had recently shut its doors. We met and I felt comfortable with her level of training and experience and we were now candidates for a homebirth. My labor was easier than even I was preparing for and my daughter arrived before the midwife did.
Our first homebirth was unintentionally unassisted.
Thankfully there were no complications but it was certainly not how we had planned. Our fourth child was another planned homebirth, this time the midwife and her assistant were actually there for the birth. Our daughter was born without complication and healthy, but there were a few things I was not completely comfortable with in retrospect. The fifth pregnancy was also cared for by the same midwife, this time she had a different assistant and I was not eager to have her at the birth. He was born moments before the midwife (and her assistant) arrived and although it wasn’t planned that way we were not disappointed.
For my sixth pregnancy I often wondered about returning to OB care.
I can’t really fully explain why. There is quite a lot about the feelings I encountered during Miranda’s pregnancy that I don’t fully understand. I stayed with the same midwife, she now had a number of new assistants. When Miranda was born she went into distress.
My Certified Nurse Midwife did not properly resuscitate my daughter.
This is me performing positive pressure ventilation (PPV) for Miranda in her final moments of life. This was the first and last time I held her. My midwife never did this, she only administered blow-by oxygen.
It would be three months later when I would find out that it was not the first time she mismanaged an emergency. Another mother in her care had lost their baby just a few months earlier.
Am I a homebirth advocate?
No
Would I choose to birth at home if I were blessed with another child?
No
Do I understand that there will always be women will choose to birth at home?
I absolutely do.
I am not seeking to have homebirth outlawed. All I want is for women to fully understand the inherent risks that accompany the choice.
Even a low-risk pregnancy and healthy baby can end in death when a birth is mismanaged at home.
No hospital is close enough when unexpected emergency happens at home.
I want women to fully understand the level of education that their midwife has. I want women to know the hard questions to ask their midwife.
I want women to know that walking away from the homebirth community if it refuses to make much needed reform does not make you a failure, it makes you a concerned mom.
I am not afraid of Dr. Amy sharing my words with others.
I am glad someone is willing to stand by mothers who’ve experienced loss after homebirth.
Too many others seem to be too busy rallying around the negligent midwives that are destroying the reputation of what is an honorable profession.
Thank you for having the honesty and courage to share your story. I rejoice with you in the truth being spoken and standing by other moms who have endured this tragedy. Miranda will never be forgotten. <3<3<3
"Then I would still have this consolation–my joy in unrelenting pain–that I had not denied the words of the Holy One". Job 6:10
You know how thankful I am for the ‘consolations’ in the wake of my longing for my little girl. Thank you so much for being an encouragement. <3
Thank you for being brave enough to share your stories and your concerns, Lisa. I am not against those who wish to have home births either, but I am glad that I did not choose that route. When the doctor broke my water with my first child, there was meconium in the fluid, which meant immediate suctioning when she was born—and no crying for the longest seconds of my life. Her first APGAR was a 7, which I later found out is a “borderline” number. If it had been any lower it would have been a good indication that she had some underlying issues. Something else that didn’t register at the time was her dusky color. It wasn’t until my second daughter was born a healthy pink from the moment I first laid eyes on her that I realized how close we had come to having a “problem” with my first.
The other reason I am glad that I chose to have my children in a hospital is because I had severe hemorrhaging during both deliveries. My doctor stayed calm and did what needed to be done, but I’m not sure I would be typing this comment if I had delivered at home. It was frightening, and I completely understand why so many women throughout history have died in childbirth.
I’m not trying to downplay your experience with Miranda. I just wanted you to know my reasons for supporting you on this issue.
Jennifer thank you so much for sharing all of that. I am so thankful that you had a team there to support your daughter and you properly which gave me the chance to get to know you now. The birth process is one of so much uncertainty. I know there are those who will not admit it, I just pray that it doesn’t take personal tragedy before they understand the risk for what it really is. Thank you for your encouragement.
Very touching… I am happy to see you shared your story with everyone. I miss my precious niece everyday. And I do agree, the pictures are hard for people to see but your little girl was a beautiful little girl. She has touched so many lives, and she continues to touch mine everyday.
Love you sis… ((hugs)). xox
I love you too Gina. <3 She is my sweet beautiful girl.
It’s so brave of you to share your story and your thoughts and especially your heart on this issue.
Everyone has to make their own choices in this matter, but you’re exactly right to want everyone to make well-informed decisions. I don’t think it should be outlawed at all, but I do think there’s a lack of information about complications, safety, and training involved in the field and that new mothers (and maybe even experienced mothers!) have a hard time knowing which questions to ask (what the important ones even are!) and what answers to expect. Everything you read about it is just rosy, rosy, rosy unless you do a lot of hard research.
Thank you Jamie. My goal is to put forward the information that is given to me (or that I’ve learned the hard way) so that when women look they will find it. I don’t seek to change everyone and everything, I’m just walking the path He has set before me. When the job is done He’ll close the door or take me home. That isn’t just about Miranda, or midwifery, it’s the life He’s asked for. I know you understand that too. <3
(tears) thank you for sharing. Although we are “done” having children (after losing a 2nd trimester pregnancy – our 1st girl – and delivering) I appreciate you putting this real information out there for other women!!
Standing with you rejoicing in the hope of heaven!
Thank you Stef. I am so sorry that your little girl is not here either. I will look forward to the day you are reunited with her in glory, and I take a bit of joy in knowing our girls may already know each other.
Thank you for sharing her and your story and for sharing in the greater way so that others have a chance to hear the truth. This is so important. I would love to know how to share this more, but others accuse you of fear-tactics, or fear-mongering.
Oh how I’d love to really be able to sit down and have a cup of tea and look into their eyes and tell them it’s all true and not some scary story. Thank you for sharing. You have such courage! Thank you for not getting weary in well-doing!
Hugs,
Rebecca in Canada
Thank you Rebecca for the encouraging words. I know if I speak of what He has placed in my heart then I am doing what is right in His sight. There will be many who will not want to hear these things but there will be a few that will and this will give them some more of the information to truly make an informed choice. I pray that there will be eyes to see and ears to hear all of these things. The children He gives us are too precious to leave up to “chance”. <3
Thank you for bravely sharing your story. You are a wise woman. Home births should not be outlawed, However women should be informed and educated about the risks and the credibility of the people who perform them. As the mother of six, I can not even fathom what you have experienced in losing a child. I do not know how people who do not know Jesus deal with such tragedies. May His peace and grace continue to console your mother’s heart!